BBQ and Sacramento

I must say, I never get tired of hanging out with Lindsey's family. Going up to Sac town usually means fun days at the park, watching movies, or just hanging around playing games. There was no difference this particular weekend except for the fact her Grandma was turning 84 big ones. You wouldn't believe this little, sweet old lady was even 70 based on how busy she keeps herself. She volunteers at schools weekly, cleans the house, makes dinner every night, and refuses to let you clean up after each meal (which of course, I respectfully ignore and help clean up anyways.)

This little party was held in her backyard where we had a BBQ and just hung around having a great time together. From half naked kiddos to deflated kid toys, the day was a good one to be a part of for sure:) 


- Nathan


All images were shot using my cheap little Pentax film camera with a 50mm 1.8 lens using Fuji Pro400H. 

What??? I'm not perfect?

As I grew up, for some reason, I always was striving to be perfect at whatever I did. I don't know why but I always had this thought in my subconscious that I was never good enough. From the outside looking in, you wouldn't be able to tell, but that's what I dealt with. This cycle of perfection seeking has not disappeared, as a matter of fact, it got worse with my birth of my first daughter Bella. I was killing myself trying to be the best at web design, life insurance selling, marriage, and the list goes on. It wasn't until I started working with a life coach that I realized I was perfect the way I was. The amount of energy I put towards seeking perfection was amplifying my stress levels and making it where my work/life balance was way off.

Transition 4 years later, and I'm of course the proud father of two little girls. I'm always preaching about being present for you kids, taking them on personal 1:1 nights, playing games with them, and working towards being the best father you can be. I did have a dose of reality during the last few days, when I made a mistake. I forgot to love my kiddos unconditionally. Now before you jump to conclusions, let me explain. We've been dealing with a nasty flu in our house and my oldest hasn't been sleeping. It's taxing on all of us and emotions can run high. For some reason, I got in a funk about my "lack" of perfection in multiple areas and didn't give my girls unconditional love when they were more emotional and irritable than usual. I choose to be slightly disconnected throughout the weekend and by the time my wife pointed out that I was not myself, it was too late. I had already missed out on opportunities to pamper my kiddos with the love that they deserve. Of course I still made their meals, and helped them with art projects. What I didn't do was be proactive rather than reactive in my interactions with them. When I woke up this morning, I realized what I had missed out on.

The good news is that's okay. I need to learn from my mistakes and the next time i'm in a self induced "funk," I need to remember how special these little lives are that I am helping craft with my wife. My goal today is to show them how much I love them and how that love is unconditional. No matter what they do, or how I feel, my love for them won't waver. I might not ever do things perfectly because if I did, life would be boring!

Have you ever been challenged with showing compassion or love in circumstances that were less than desirable?

- Nathan 

The Little Things

My kids are sick! So sick, that Bella threw up a few times Thursday night and as I rode the train to work, my stressed, and tired wifey called to ask if I could work from home.

"OF COURSE!" I said. So I rode my bike through the rain from the train station, got soaking wet, grabbed my stuff from San Francisco, and then got wet again before hopping on the next train home. By time time I finally returned home, it was already 10am but she was happy I was there. Me being there would have been enough but I've been really trying to spend more time listening for her needs. There's something about giving, unconditionally, to your spouse, that ends up filling you with purpose and making your marriage stronger.

I'll admit, there are times when I say, "I'm not having my needs met." When that happens, it usually means I can do a better job of meeting her needs first. I know... you're probably saying, "Nathan, you're crazy! To think I'm going to sacrifice even more when I'm depleted just isn't realistic." Well, I'm not telling you what to do, rather, what MY positive experience has been. Try it out, you'll be surprised what happens.

Back to my example. Upon getting off the train, I had the following thought, "My wife hasn't slept all week, she stayed up last night with a sick kiddo, and then had to deal with two girls feeling horrible early in the morning. She's probably spent and needs some time to rest." So what did I do?? I scheduled a massage at her favorite place at around 1:30pm in the afternoon. She was so surprised when I came home and told her of the appointment. It wasn't anything HUGE but it was enough to let her leave the sick house and tend to her personal needs. When she got home, she was more relaxed and as a family, we benefited from that. HUGE WIN FOR ALL!!

I'm not bragging at all, rather, sharing an experience I had.  For some, they might not have the money for a massage or might be dealing with more than just a sick kiddo. I DO think there's still opportunity to reward your spouse with something, even if it's little like flowers or a hand made card letting them know how you feel. I hope you can find a way that works for you. Do something this week out of the blue. All I know is the more I do things like this, the better father, husband, and friend I become.

New York - That's a Tasty Apple

Lindsey and I had the AWESOME opportunity to fly to New York for a client engagement shoot. I know what you're saying to yourself, "How lucky are they??" Well... pretty dang lucky! Not only was it great to meet such a wonderful couple in person, but we also got to stop in an see our long time friend JT. Here's the funny story about how he and I became friends. 


I moved to Nashville to play drums when I was twenty. While going on a camping trip, I met these two guys,Tyson and Danny, who I became best buds with. At the time, Tyson's roommate was this guy (JT) who did nothing but play bass during his free time. Seriously, he would go to work and then come home and play bass. While friends were over, he'd be upstairs playing bass. Going to bathroom... playing bass. KIDDING!!  I think he played 4-5 hours a day, which I thought was crazy. A few years, and several hundreds of practice hours later, JT and I started becoming friends and I turned  him onto a band named Tower of Power. For those of you that are not familiar with the band, they are the best thing to come around since heater blankets and hot apple cider!! Hmmmm, just think about that for a second. Okay, back to our story.

So with his typical commitment and focus, JT took my Tower of Power cds and learned to play a lot of the best songs on bass. With his new library of songs to play from, we decided to have a little drum and bass jam session at my rehearsal space. That night we played for at least 3 hours and laughed out loud the whole time. It was so exciting that you'd think we had won the Lotto judging by the grins on our face. I think we were best friends from then on.

Seeing JT in New York after about 3 years, was great and we went for a cruise around Central Park and Times Square. Of course I had my film camera with me and a bit of B&W film. The following images are what I was able to grab:) Here's to great friends and film photos. There's just nothing else like it in the world!!! Have a great week everyone. 
  
- Nathan


All images shot with my cheap little Pentax Camera, 50mm 1.8 lens, and Ilford XP2 400 B&W film
 

When It's Cold Out, Go For a Ride

I got home today feeling borderline overwhelmed. Work was filled with a bunch of "learning opportunities" and I was maxed out. A few years ago, I would have been miserable because I wasn't "perfect" in my mind and because I made a mistake or could have done a better job at work. Now... I don't let those moments bring me down as much. Sure, I could have done a better job but I'm a developing and I'll never stop learning. I'm perfect the way I am now.


After realizing I was on the verge of maxing out, I made a focused effort to love my wife and girls and be present for them. I didn't raise my voice when Luci bothered Bella, I didn't hit the dog when he started whining, I just was there. Helping and doing my best to be a good dad. Well, Lindsey headed out for a school event and it was up to me to take care of the girls. So what did I do? I loaded them up in the bike trailer with a huge mass of blankets to keep them warm in the 50 degree weather. We were going to the park to do some star gazing and eat oranges:) That's what I do with my kids. Nights are my favorite time to talk to them without any distractions.


We laid out and talked about stars, satelites, and the planets. It was great and I realized I don't know that much about our solar system. ha ha ha.. I look forward to when Bella starts to learn more in school and I can piggy back off of her projects and re-educate myself.

 Anyways, the trip ended with Bella bringing up scary stories about aliens, Luci getting freaked out, and me driving 2 little scared girls home in the cold on the bike. 


We got home and I tucked them in for a wonderful night and then sat down to write this. I love my life, my girls, and my wife. I am so lucky to have the chance to be by their side right now. I don't know when my time here is through but until then, I plan to live my life to max. Today goes down in my book as a successful day. Now it's time to do some ab work out and get to bed.

Matt Moves to Oregon

Trip to the City - A Long Time Ago:0

My Analog Obsession - Hillsdale Car Show